A Cumbrian dad has revealed he has taken up residence in the middle aisle of his local Lidl.
And Malcolm Beattie, 43, says he’s never been happier since swopping the family home in Carlisle for new digs at the budget supermarket at Madford Retail Park.
“The middle aisle has got everything I could possibly want in life,” said the father-of-six, who runs his own window cleaning business.
“Power tools, underpants, cheap beer, footballs, plastic pot plants, outdoor furniture, a flamethrower, bathroom accessories, ice spikes that attach to shoes, a cement mixer, a variety of electric hoists, a snack helmet and an inflatable hot tub – you name it, it’s on the middle aisle.
“Last week I even got myself a collapsible two-man canoe and a Yamaha sea-scooter in case I fancy a trip to the beach!”
Malcolm said he decided to move in last month after a shopping trip.
“The wife asked me to pick up a cake and some own-brand cola and crisps for our youngest lad’s birthday,” he explained.
“While walking along the middle lane I spotted a tent and camp bed set. I decided to try it out, and after five minutes I knew that this was where I belonged.”
According to wife Linda, Malcolm has never been happier. “We occasionally pop in and see him and he’s always in great spirits – which makes a welcome change from the grumpy old bastard he used to be when he lived at home,” she said.
“I just hope he stays there permanently.”
A spokesman for Lidl sighed: “We do get all sorts in here.”
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